Tolerance

It’s an interesting word and a strange mannerism. What would you think 🤔 if you were to find out that people simply tolerated you? If they actually didn’t enjoy your company, they were just tolerating you the entire time.

Would you feel as if they had been lying to you the entire time? Would you feel ashamed or like an ass🍑? Would you want to continue to spend your time with those same people?

If you tolerate someone, is there a chance that others are tolerating you?

Tolerance, kind of a shitty 💩 way to live if you ask me.

45 thoughts on “Tolerance

  1. If I found out people only tolerated me, they wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore. To tolerate someone is the same as you’re just dealing with/enduring them for a short time. If you’re only dealing /enduring with my presence/friendship/love/time that I don’t give away to just anyone, then you’re an a**hole, period. I rather you tell me you’re not feeling me then to keep me around out of what boredom? Obligation? Don’t want pity.

    1. bottomlesscoffee007

      Same, why would anyone want others to simply tolerate them? I’d rather be told that I am not welcome or that my company is not enjoyed.

  2. Exactly!
    Unfortunately there are those who struggle with low self esteem who view this type relationship as better than having no one…and the narcs who feed off those type of people; they keep them around to make them feel superior.

  3. To answer your question – No, I wouldn’t.

    However, we need to tolerance in our society. No two people are exactly alike therefore tolerance is needed for a peaceful existence.

    No one is saying that you need to hang with the people you don’t particularly care for. Thankfully, we all have “choice” so we are able to choose who we want to spend our time with; but if thrust in a situation where we have to be with someone we don’t care for then tolerance is best for a peaceful existence.

    1. bottomlesscoffee007

      Ok Rakkelle, a question. Wouldn’t that then breed malice? Since we would be more worried about tolerance than honesty?

      I think I understand what you’re saying, and I can appreciate where you’re coming from on this. But why not just let people be people?

      I know it’s not a perfect counter, but I think in chaos, the majority of people will do what is best for them, which in turn will breed more peace and understanding than tolerance.

      1. Of course, let people be people. That’s exactly my point. Let people be people and if placed in a situation where you have to be around people you’re not particularly fond of allow them to be themselves and tolerate them for as long as you need to be around them for the sake of peace. How did the above not come across clearly in what I originally wrote?

        Tolerance for a limited period of time might or might not breed malice. Depends on the individual. I can’t speak for everyone but speaking for myself it would NOT breed malice. However, some people are just mean-spirited and malicious in general, it’s part of their persona, and they are always looking for a fight because that’s how they thrive.

        1. bottomlesscoffee007

          Now I understand Rakkelle. I thought you were saying that tolerance should be everywhere for people to simply get along.

          Now that you explain it as limited in time, I agree.

  4. I used to like the word “tolerance” because of what Rakkelle mentions above. But then I gave it a thought like you Bottomlesscoffee, and found out I don’t like it very much. To tolerate means you think you are better than the person, and if you are being tolerated, it means someone else is superior to you and they let you know it. Which for me is not ok either ways. I prefer respect by far. Respect means that I see we are different, I don’t necessarily accept it, but I choose to respect you just as you are, we are still equal, I don’t try to change you.

  5. This is deep, probably more than I should be thinking about this Monday morning. LOL. but here’s my thought. To tolerate someone implies that they do not offer any value and I don’t think anyone wants to feel that way. But maybe if we find ourselves just tolerating someone we need to look harder for their value before writing them off.

    1. bottomlesscoffee007

      That is a very insightful way to approach it. I guess what I was trying to say that it seems like everyone is ready to tolerate someone else, yet at the same time, I don’t think people want to be tolerated. Like you said Ruth, I think everyone wants to be appreciated, and not simply tolerated.

  6. I wouldn’t like to give or receive tolerance. I agree with you that it is 💩. I think that if someone tolerates you/me/us… they simply do what is necessary to get by, if even, so why bother?

  7. There are different types of tolerance for me. First is also known as being “polite”. Like Rakelle mentioned – it is when we are in situations where the time is limited and you kind of have to get along (ex. : workplace). In this case, it is about personality mostly. You don’t have to be friends with someone outside of the office, but you should be cordial, even if you do not approve of them.

    There is also acceptance. When I accept that you are an oddball, but I expect you to accept that you’re not my cup of tea. (Both parties live in peace.)

    However, you are correct in your assumption that tolerance isn’t necessarily a great thing in the long run. But like S.O stated above, some people have low self – esteem, and they want us to tolerate them (they think it means accept and approve of, which it doesn’t). My question like with many other things is: “Why do you need so much from ME? Instead of looking into YOURSELF?”

  8. If I thought I was just being ‘tolerated’ I’d be gone! It would be pretty awful. But then I’d probably talk myself round – as William Blake once said ‘the clever fox blames the trap’.

    1. bottomlesscoffee007

      ha, I like that analogy. Yeah, it would feel pretty shitty to find out that those around you are simply “putting up with you”.

        1. bottomlesscoffee007

          Do you like that they tolerate you? How would those people whom you say you have tolerated like to know that you tolerated them instead of appreciating or ignoring them?

          Honestly, I would rather be ignored than tolerated.

  9. Tolerance is simply part of being human and we all exercise it daily. While your post question presumes tolerance is more akin to “tolerating”, we tolerate things each day. Events, behaviors, physical aches and pains, high utility bills.. tolerance is all relative (and many relatives I just tolerate as well!). You being in any relationship, then that begins your tolerance of the person.. and their tolerance of you. It’s the conscious or subconscious means by which we set personal limits to an experience or situation.. or a person.

    Here’s another aspect… being “forced” to tolerate something or someone. We then have made a compromise with ourselves that tolerating a person or situation beyond a personal limit is often simply a compromise to put up with it.. or them… in an exchange for something of positive value to us personally. “I tolerate his crap because he’s a nice guy.”

    But to more squarely answer your post… if you feel someone is tolerating you, then you might ask yourself.. why are they? If the choice of not tolerating you any further is always there, then why are you feeling they are just “remaining” to be tolerated by you? Are we mixing that feeling with the feeling that “I am being taken for granted.”?

    1. bottomlesscoffee007

      It could be Doug. I just think these words and phrases are used to make people feel good about what they are doing. It’s a way to make someone feel more important than what they really are. Since with tolerance, there needs to be something that anyone can say they are tolerating.

  10. If people were just tolerating me, I would rather them tell me they don’t want me around, then pretend otherwise. Yes, they would be lying as they weren’t being honest enough to tell me to they didn’t want my company.
    Then, they wouldn’t have to worry about me, as I would not spend time with them anymore since they didn’t want it.
    Yes, if I was simply tolerating someone, then there is a chance that someone was just tolerating me.
    It is a shitty way to live. I would rather people be honest about whether they want me around or not, then pretend to want my company.

  11. Interesting discussion. I have family members I tolerate & they tolerate me. They’re blood but, we don’t see eye to eye. That is what it is.

    Religion is an area where tolerance would go a long way. Oh, the wars fought…

    I have tolerated co-workers for the sake of getting the work done but, wouldn’t spend any time with them outside of work. That is wholly disingenuous. And, I have a natural understanding that it goes both ways. Oh, well…

    1. bottomlesscoffee007

      Yeah, I guess it’s hyperbole depending on what is important to the individual.

      Speaking for myself, I’d rather someone tell me to F-Off, than tolerate me. I don’t want to be an obligation.

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